A letter to our 18-month-old girl.

Caroline,

Oh little girl, you keep life interesting.  You've become a climber of furniture and stairs.  You could walk up and down a few steps all day long.  And you're now a runner, too, and always on the move.  When you really want to get going, you put your head down and throw your arms behind you.  And yes, you're fast.  While you're pretty steady, your scraped up knees demonstrate that you still take a tumble from time to time.  Thankfully that last goose egg on your forehead has finally cleared up.  Which tells me that I should sneak in some "official" 18 month pictures before the next one inevitably develops.


We just came back from vacation with you.  Your Nana and Poppa hadn't seen you since before you were walking, and they enjoyed seeing you on the go.  You were gone from home for over two weeks, but you haven't missed a beat.  Thanks for being so flexible with us.  We also spent a long weekend some friends from before your were born.  We lived in Indiana with all of these folks before any of us had little ones.  Now there are all kinds of you rug rats running around.


Morning is a favorite time of day.  We pull you into our bed for some snuggles, and you give us those huge crinkle-nose grins.  Your beloved "lovies" (two stuffed animal dogs, one pink and one blue) accompany you into our bed each time.  You make sure of that.  And then you proceed to point out your own nose, and tell us where our noses are as well.


At about 17 months, you finally started to say "Mama."  WHEW.  The word was clearly not high on your priority list, because you learned about 15 words before it.  However, I'm thankful that you finally came around.  I love hearing you call my name from another room.


You've also learned to give kisses.  Opa is confident that he taught you how, and I don't doubt it.  You're generous with them, much to our delight.  And, when requested, you'll also shell some out for your lovies and your new baby doll.  Your Nana bought that baby doll for you, after you strolled into a toy store and immediately started playing with the sample doll they had available.  You plucked that baby doll out of her crib, ran over to the selection of fake bottles, and immediately started feeding that baby.  We've never showed you how to do that.  Did you just know?  Did you remember how we used to feed you bottles?  




As you're still in the 4th percentile, you're our little pipsqueak.  Since you've been hovering around the 5th percentile since you were a month old, the pediatrician has long since stopped worrying about it.  Same with us.  You're lighter to carry around, and you fit into clothes a lot longer.  Score.


Your mood can change on a dime.  Happy-go-lucky to mean-as-a-snake.  It happens fast, and always keeps us on our toes.  Most of the time, your Mama can make everything better.  You're a bid time Mama's girl, and Mama doesn't mind that one bit.  Let's just say we've got each other wrapped around our fingers.



And then there's books.  Finally, finally, you've started to initiate reading time.  You're still not super interested in sitting in our laps for long, but you're really starting to enjoy flipping through your books at your own speed.  And often, your own direction.  You actually enjoy sitting in your crib "reading" while I get in a morning shower.  Let's just call that a win-win.


We've got a busy few months ahead of us, and I'm hoping we don't lose sight of this precious time with our ever-curious toddler.  We're humbled and grateful to God for the incredible gift of your life, and are prayerfully doing our best to raise you to know Him.


Love you, girl.

Mama

Photo Book

Shutterfly was offering a 40% discount this week on photo books, which was just the kick in the pants I needed to finish up our 2010-2011 "yearbook." In case you're dying to see it (which I know you are!) check it out here:
 

Click here to view this photo book larger

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Our Spending Fast: What we learned, and what we didn't.

It's now April 18th and I realize that I haven't posted any 7-related thoughts in awhile.  Nor have I given any kind of summary/recap on March's spending fast.

That's because I'm a slacker.  Plain and simple.


Here's what I learned on the spending fast:
1. I like buying stuff.  Conveniences.  Luxuries.  Pick-me-ups.  Caroline-related stuff.  House-stuff.  Not being able to do that for a month kind of sucked.  However, the discipline disrupted my rhythm and gave me the opportunity to pause and offer up small prayers of thankfulness for what I already had. 

2. Other than a couple of deep drive-thru urges, I didn't miss eating out.  The option was removed from our dinner options, and I hardly thought about it.  I was surprised by that.

3. I'm a lot less content with what I have than I thought I was.  While on a daily basis I usually don't covet bigger houses or nicer cars of private planes, I do desire a lot of smaller items.  And I buy them often.  It was hard to say no to those things for a month.  Especially when they seemed useful or reasonable or a good deal.  I can justify all kinds of spending, let me assure you!  Forcing myself to be content with what I had for a month was a sobering window into all the little areas where I'm not content, and all those times I just buy something to fill that little hole.

4. I look forward to future fasts.  The disruption of "normal" was so good for my prideful, irresponsible, me-centered little soul.  Although giving up things was difficult, gaining a little more thankfulness and a little more empathy for folks who have no money to spend is so much more important. 


5. We are quicker to give when we know there's extra money to do so.  I desire to be the kind of person that sacrifices her own comfort and luxuries to be help people who really need it.  Homeless folks.  Widows.  Orphans.  S.ex slaves.  The hungry and desperate and scared.  People who need to hear about Jesus.  But most of the time, I pay only lip service to that kind of sacrifice.  It's a bit harder to part with our cash when we know we've got a big credit card bill coming in the mail.  But when we spend less on ourselves, it simply frees up some resources.  In March, I don't feel like we got "there" by any means.  I don't think there is a "there," and if there is I'm very, very far from it.  But I know personally the wealth that I have in Jesus, and in light of that I want to be the type of person that's quick to give to others.  The month of March was a small nudge in that direction.


What didn't we learn?
1. How to have a happy medium.  Now that we're well into April, it's clear that it's all too easy to fall into spending cash without giving it too much thought.  It's fun to consume, and spend, and get this cute little thing.  And harder to stop and say "thank you, Jesus" in the process.  Jesus, give us wisdom in our finances, the ability to pause and be grateful, and an extra dose of contentedness.

I'm grateful we're not striving to earn favor with God.  It's obvious that we would fail at it every single day.  Praise Him for his sweet and tender grace, and the compassions that are new every morning.  And I pray He continues to work in our hearts to draw us nearer to Him, ugly and stumbling and twisted thought that path might be.  He is faithful.

Maybe you didn't know...

But sidewalk chalk?


It isn't for doing this:


Or even this:


But, rather, one needs to pick up each piece ...


and load them into one's arms.


(The chin comes in handy.)


Then walk down the street.


Basket, shmasket. Who needs that?


When, inevitably, a piece or two fall out...


One must stoop and pick them up.


Then, of course, others fall in the process of re-loading, and those need to be picked up once again as well.  It's a vicious cycle.


But thank goodness for chins. They really are helpful for such work.

Media Addiction

We're normal, media-consuming Americans at this house.  We love our iPhones, our Internet browsing, some texting, some TV.  And, randomly enough, we love to listen to audio books.  We don't read much fiction around here, but man can we listen to it.

Obviously, a good portion of this media time is pretty much unavoidable.  We have jobs where answering emails is a non-negotiable task.  I text my friends about meeting up at the zoo.  We coordinate churchy things via our personal email, and look up fairly important info online about the day's weather (AKA how do I dress my toddler today?) and the new Infant Tylenol dosing.

But honestly, both Josh and I feel a another fast coming on in our house - one that's media related.

Because we waste a lot of time with TV, blogs, sports-following, iPhone games, etc.

What activities might we be missing out on because we watch so much TV?  
What might we learn about where our priorities are if we cut way back on mindless media?
How might my personal times in the Bible and in prayer change if I wasn't spending so much darned time surfing the Internet?
How much more would I experience God's presence in my life if I didn't always have to have something "on" in the background?  Or if my mind wasn't ping-ponging between Facebook and TV and Pinterest in the evenings?

Also, now that we're responsible for a small developing mind here at our house, I want to set a good example.  What am I teaching my curly-headed toddler when I check my iPhone while feeding her lunch?  A bad habit, yes, and probably something about the importance I place on spending time together.

I discovered others didn’t need me to be as wired as I thought. Most of my media involvement is simply about me (blah).” Pg 116

Yes, I definitely resonate with this.  A lot of my media-related time spent is about me, and not even about my spiritual growth or encouragement or anything meaningful.  It's mostly about my entertainment.  More important areas of my life suffer as a result.  I know it. 

We're going to think and pray about what a media fast might look like.  A week?  A month?  Where do we draw which lines?  And how do we keep Jesus at the center of it, reminding ourselves that less for the sake of less isn't the point?

We've got 4 more days of our spending fast to complete first, before we embark on something new.  And let me just tell you, I'm dying to buy my baby some new shoes.  Just ask my friends.



More on 7:Read-a-long? Check here.

Kenya!

It's been on our hearts since Christmas.

Another nudge, if you will.

We want to serve Jesus in Africa this summer.

Our church, Vista Community Church, has slowly been building a relationship with a small group of new churches in Kenya.  We've been able to give them funds to purchase sugar cane fields, in addition to some other crops.  Those fields will provide the churches and pastors with a renewable source of income.  Fantastic.  Over the past while, we've also supplied them with funding to build/finish three separate buildings.  More info here.

If you've ever been around Vista, you may have noticed that we don't have a church building.  We meet in a high school and a movie theater.  But in truth, we've got 3 buildings.  They're just in Africa.  (Actually, we have one more building - an orphanage in Cambodia.)

These Kenyan churches are growing.  God is moving there.  To borrow a metaphor from Jesus, seeds have been planted in Kenya over the years.  Spiritual seeds.  I want to know more about God seeds.  People are coming to know Jesus personally.  He is at work.  And, if it's His will, we'll get to be a teeny tiny part of that this summer.

Lord willing, we're going to be a part of a 14-person team, traveling to Bungoma, Kenya, in mid-August of this year.  Our small part will be helping to grow these new churches.  We're planning to run a vacation Bible school for local kids, which will serve as an additional bridge between the pastors and the community. 

I'm thrilled for the opportunity to do this together.  Josh and me.  Josh hasn't even been on a mission trip, and I haven't since college.  And this is an experience we'll get to share.  So exciting.

Caroline will be staying behind, with our very eager parents.

It brings tears to my eyes just to think of leaving her for TEN WHOLE DAYS.  And yet, I know it's the right thing to do, and that she'll be in excellent hands while we're gone.

We would love your prayers.  For the work we'll be doing there.  For people's hearts.  For that seeds that have been planted and will be planted. 

Thanks much. 

On clothing.

I'm a few days late in posting this.  I'd like to say that it's because I've been wrestling with what to write, thinking things through for days.  But it's because I forgot.  Forgot about it, yes.  And developed a serious Scramble With Friends habit at the same time.

Just keepin' it real.

So chapter 2 of 7 is about clothes.  The fast of the month for the author was to choose just 7 things (not including underwear) and wear only those 7 things for an entire month.

I'm not feeling a nudge to that.

In fact, for a while there I didn't think I had any issues with clothes.

I mean, I wear jeans and sweatshirts most days.  The same ones over and over.  Heck, I could probably embark on a 7-clothing-item fast of my own and not notice a difference.  The purple sweatshirt doesn't even get folded... it just gets pulled right from the dryer and plopped onto my body.

But then I got to thinking...

Sometimes I choose jeans and sweatshirts some days because I'm nervous about making the wrong fashion choice.  So it's better to look frumpy (ahem -- CASUAL) on purpose because at least it doesn't look like I tried too hard, and failed.

And then there was that family picture thing.  I wanted all three of us to coordinate for the picture we'd use on our Christmas card.  I thought WAY too much about which color scheme to go for.  I had birthday money to burn and went shopping, but then felt terribly overwhelmed because I didn't know what to choose.  I didn't (and don't) know what's in fashion.  And what looks good on me.  And I was totally self conscious/agonized about that.  Why?  Because I wanted us to look good.  Up to date.  Cute.  Not too matchy-matchy but coordinating.  You know, in the hopes someone would open our Christmas card and remark, "holy cow, look at that attractive, put-together Brown family."

Happy Birthday, Jesus!  God put his own Son on the planet so that we could have a relationship with Him, and what do I care about?  Someone thinking my family looks good.

In the end I didn't like the colors/clothing choices I'd agonized over, and made the darned thing black and white.

And then there's my own dissatisfaction with my body.  You know, the one God gave me.  The one that successfully grew a perfectly formed child.  The one that allows me to drive and work and cook and laugh and travel and hug my baby.  And the same body one that I get frustrated with because it doesn't look like I think it should.  All that to say, I hide behind certain clothes because I feel better about myself that way. 

Maybe I do have some issues.  With approval.  With how people view me, and how much I care about that.  With where my heart is.  Finding significance in things, instead of Jesus.

Why, yes I do have issues with clothing.

First world problems.  Right here.  Right now. 

I have a closet - and dresser - full of clothes, most of which I don't wear.  That represents a whole lot of spending.  And I regularly buy more.  This quote from the author was convicting to me (she was talking about how spending is widening the gap between rich and poor):

I am a part of the problem, a contributing member of inequality.  Every time I buy another shirt I don't need or a seventh pair of shoes for my daughter, I redirect my powerful dollar to the pockets of consumerism, fueling my own greed and widening the gap.  Why?  Because I like it.  Because those are cute.  Because I want that. (pg 65)

Another problem I have?  Not my clothes, but Caroline's.  I want her to look cute.  I can be super picky about her outfits.  I spend way too much time online, browsing overpriced toddler shoes.  And although I shop clearance and Once Upon a Child and Target often times, I know there's a part of me that just cares way. too. much.

There is this blog I followed.  And the kids are dressed so darned cute every single day.  Not in a coordinating Baby Gap way.  But in an adorable bohemian way I would never think to dream up.  I would look at those kids, and be truly envious.  ENVIOUS.  OVER KIDS CLOTHES.  When my daughter has more than enough to wear.  And most of it looks really sweet anyway. I had to stop reading that blog - and following her on instagram. I knew it wasn't good for my level of gratefulness and contentedness.

Issues, I tell you.

Where does this leave me?

I'm not sure.

I really need some clothes for summer.  I have zero summer bottoms (capris, shorts, skirts) that fit well.  And about that same about of shirts.  And I know from experience that when clothes don't fit well I spend the entire day thinking about how it.  Pick Caroline up.  Uh-oh, I have to adjust my pants.  Do dishes.  There I am fussing with my shirt.  Pull, adjust, twist, adjust some more.  I just end up thinking about my clothes, and my distaste for certain areas of my body, all the more when my clothes don't fit.  I don't think that's what God has in mind by simplifying.

I don't want to obsess.  I want to be more mindful of where I'm purchasing these things.  Fair trade?  Thrifted?  Homemade?  And probably some "normal" shopping too.  Gratefully I have a sweet husband who likes to shop with me as well as a couple of girlfriends that are willing to help me out, so I don't get so darned overwhelmed.  I want to purchase things that are appropriate, well fitting, comfortable, and at least marginally in-style.  But I hope to do it in such a way as to not place my feeling of self-worth into those items, or buy more than I need just because I want to and I can.

I also want to start running regularly so that more of my pre-baby clothes fit well again.  

Jesus, help me.

In the end...
“What I’m wearing and what you think of it pales next to loosening the chains of injustice and setting the prisoner free.” (pg 56)

Amen.