On clothing.

I'm a few days late in posting this.  I'd like to say that it's because I've been wrestling with what to write, thinking things through for days.  But it's because I forgot.  Forgot about it, yes.  And developed a serious Scramble With Friends habit at the same time.

Just keepin' it real.

So chapter 2 of 7 is about clothes.  The fast of the month for the author was to choose just 7 things (not including underwear) and wear only those 7 things for an entire month.

I'm not feeling a nudge to that.

In fact, for a while there I didn't think I had any issues with clothes.

I mean, I wear jeans and sweatshirts most days.  The same ones over and over.  Heck, I could probably embark on a 7-clothing-item fast of my own and not notice a difference.  The purple sweatshirt doesn't even get folded... it just gets pulled right from the dryer and plopped onto my body.

But then I got to thinking...

Sometimes I choose jeans and sweatshirts some days because I'm nervous about making the wrong fashion choice.  So it's better to look frumpy (ahem -- CASUAL) on purpose because at least it doesn't look like I tried too hard, and failed.

And then there was that family picture thing.  I wanted all three of us to coordinate for the picture we'd use on our Christmas card.  I thought WAY too much about which color scheme to go for.  I had birthday money to burn and went shopping, but then felt terribly overwhelmed because I didn't know what to choose.  I didn't (and don't) know what's in fashion.  And what looks good on me.  And I was totally self conscious/agonized about that.  Why?  Because I wanted us to look good.  Up to date.  Cute.  Not too matchy-matchy but coordinating.  You know, in the hopes someone would open our Christmas card and remark, "holy cow, look at that attractive, put-together Brown family."

Happy Birthday, Jesus!  God put his own Son on the planet so that we could have a relationship with Him, and what do I care about?  Someone thinking my family looks good.

In the end I didn't like the colors/clothing choices I'd agonized over, and made the darned thing black and white.

And then there's my own dissatisfaction with my body.  You know, the one God gave me.  The one that successfully grew a perfectly formed child.  The one that allows me to drive and work and cook and laugh and travel and hug my baby.  And the same body one that clings desperately onto a few pregnancy pounds (sigh).  Significant pregnancy weight, coupled with a lack of self discipline in the areas of diet and exercise will, in fact, leave me with unwanted pounds 16 months after giving birth.  Go figure!  All that to say, I hide behind certain clothes because I feel better about myself that way. 

Maybe I do have some issues.  With approval.  With how people view me, and how much I care about that.  With where my heart is.  Finding significance in things, instead of Jesus.

Why, yes I do have issues with clothing.

First world problems.  Right here.  Right now. 

I have a closet - and dresser - full of clothes, most of which I don't wear.  That represents a whole lot of spending.  And I regularly buy more.  This quote from the author was convicting to me (she was talking about how spending is widening the gap between rich and poor):

I am a part of the problem, a contributing member of inequality.  Every time I buy another shirt I don't need or a seventh pair of shoes for my daughter, I redirect my powerful dollar to the pockets of consumerism, fueling my own greed and widening the gap.  Why?  Because I like it.  Because those are cute.  Because I want that. (pg 65)

Another problem I have?  Not my clothes, but Caroline's.  I want her to look cute.  I can be super picky about her outfits.  I spend way too much time online, browsing overpriced toddler shoes.  And although I shop clearance and Once Upon a Child and Target often times, I know there's a part of me that just cares way. too. much.

There is this blog I followed.  And the kids are dressed so darned cute every single day.  Not in a coordinating Baby Gap way.  But in an adorable bohemian way I would never think to dream up.  I would look at those kids, and be truly envious.  ENVIOUS.  OVER KIDS CLOTHES.  When my daughter has more than enough to wear.  And most of it looks really sweet anyway. I had to stop reading that blog - and following her on instagram. I knew it wasn't good for my level of gratefulness and contentedness.

Issues, I tell you.

Where does this leave me?

I'm not sure.

I really need some clothes for summer.  I have zero summer bottoms (capris, shorts, skirts) that fit well.  And about that same about of shirts.  And I know from experience that when clothes don't fit well I spend the entire day thinking about how it.  Pick Caroline up.  Uh-oh, I have to adjust my pants.  Do dishes.  There I am fussing with my shirt.  Pull, adjust, twist, adjust some more.  I just end up thinking about my clothes, and my distaste for certain areas of my body, all the more when my clothes don't fit.  I don't think that's what God has in mind by simplifying.

I don't want to obsess.  I want to be more mindful of where I'm purchasing these things.  Fair trade?  Thrifted?  Homemade?  And probably some "normal" shopping too.  Gratefully I have a sweet husband who likes to shop with me as well as a couple of girlfriends that are willing to help me out, so I don't get so darned overwhelmed.  I want to purchase things that are appropriate, well fitting, comfortable, and at least marginally in-style.  But I hope to do it in such a way as to not place my feeling of self-worth into those items, or buy more than I need just because I want to and I can.

I also want to start running regularly so that more of my pre-baby clothes fit well again.  

Jesus, help me.

In the end...
“What I’m wearing and what you think of it pales next to loosening the chains of injustice and setting the prisoner free.” (pg 56)

Amen.

On fasting, finances, and food. 7, week two.

I'm still feeling those nudges.  Nudges away from self-indulgence.  Nudges toward generosity of spirit, time, and money.  I've felt that smallest bit of twinge in my heart when I pass up something I want.  And we're not talking big things here.

Like on Sunday after church.  All I wanted was a Wendy's burger and fries.  With a fountain Diet Coke.

But we drove home. And made something from our cupboards.  Something that didn't at all sound good.  It wasn't much of a sacrifice.  I get that.  But it did make me stop and ask Jesus for a content, thankful heart for the cupboards at our house that are overflowing with edible goodness.

I know my soul needs more moments like that. 

Here at the Brown Home we're on a fast, of sorts.  It's a financial fast for the month of March.  We're buying groceries (and staying within budget), paying bills, and covering emergencies.  And, of course, giving.  The idea hatched after Christmas when we were paying some bills and realized again that we overspend.  Often.  What doesn't feel like that big of a deal at the time (a lunch out with friends, a new pair of shoes for Caroline, lunch out after church, etc.) really does add up.  For the sake of financial responsibility, we need this step.

Gratefully Jesus opened up our eyes to the fact that this can, and should be, a spiritual exercise as well.  It breaks up the mindless rhythm of go where we want, get what we want, eat what we want. 

Here are the honest facts:

• We've already cheated once, and ate out.  It was a pre-planned thing with some friends and we didn't think it was right to back out at the last minute.  
• I scrounged in my car for $1.50 in change so that I could buy a Diet Coke at a restaurant.  I meet some girls there every week for lunch after a Bible Study, and still wanted "in" on the hanging-out-with-friends aspect of the lunch date.  Other than the D.C., I packed a lunch for me and Caroline.
• I ordered a birthday gift for my nephew today on Amazon.  

Perhaps these things are A-ok?  Or else justifications?  Call 'em what you will.  After all, we're not doing this to earn favor with God.  Because we know Jesus personally, our sins are wiped clean.  So the favor is already there, and there's nothing I could do to earn it anyway.  We're praying this fast just opens up a little more space for us to experience the true joy that relationship.

So far, the fast hasn't started out to be that difficult.  Except for that little Wendy's moment.  And really, on the scale of easy (1) to painful (10) I would put Sunday afternoon at a 1.25.  But little changes are taking place.  I feel more peaceful - and quick - about giving a little money here or there, because I know that there's a a little financial breathing room to do so.  I like that.  These days I immediately delete sales offers from Lands End, Piperlime, and Tea Collection from my inbox, and I've found it saves me from both wasting time online browsing and spending those moments in the valley of discontent with my own clothes or Caroline's.  I'm not saying that online browsing or shopping is always bad, but for me, right now, it's not always the best.   

Somewhat unrelated, I also started baking my own bread, and GASP it actually turns out okay.

Just typing those things out makes this fast sound so paltry.  And it totally is, as compared to what others have done.  And yet it's a baby step.  And I want to start somewhere.

In her book 7, the author limited herself to 7 foods for a month.  Although I don't currently feel compelled to mimic that particular fast, I do appreciate some of the wisdom she gained from the experience.

As I reduce, He is enough.  As I simplify, He is enough.  He is my portion where food and clothes and comfort fall woefully short.  He can heal me from greed and excess, materialism and pride, selfishness and envy.  While my earthly treasures and creature comforts will fail me, Jesus is more than enough.  (pg 19)

Part of why I desire a reduction of sorts is because it helps me remember this simple truth: Jesus is enough.  Somehow His enough-ness becomes clearer to me when I strip down some other areas of my life.  Jesus,

The careful study of the Word has a goal, which is not the careful study of the Word.  The objective is to discover Jesus and allow Him to change our trajectory. (pg 24)

I do like me some Bible study sometimes, but studying the Bible for the sake of studying the Bible is pointless.  Like it says in James, Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says (James 1:22).  I desire to be a do-er of the Word.  And, let's face it, I'm a little nervous for what that might actually look like in my life. 


When accumulation is not our bottom line, we are liberated to disperse our time and resources differently. (28)

I'm starting to see this change in a really, really small way.  And I'm thankful for it.  Lord, keep this up.  Goodness knows I'm apt to fall back into the American dream over and over again.





Looking for more about 7 and this week's read-along?  See here.

Just for you, Mom.

Maybe you noticed that I haven't changed this blog's header since Caroline was, oh, EIGHT WEEKS OLD?

Maybe you noticed that it still said 2011?  And yet here we are in March of 2012?

Yep.

My mom called me a couple weeks back, wondering if I'd EVER change the old, tired header.  Well, here you go!

And apparently I felt all rainbow-brighty-springy today.  Because POW this header is colorful.  But hey, there are blue skies today and the bright colors match my baby's rainbow dress.

I apologize in advance to my sweet husband who always chooses dark colors.  This header will probably be up until the snow melts in 2013.

As I was putting this one up, I briefly scrolled through blog headers of old.  They could DEFINITELY be used as examples of why Jessica L. Brown should never come close to Adobe products.  She's clueless. 

But they make me smile...

Back from February of 2009.  Back when A) I managed to get the entire Adobe Suite for free due to Josh being a full time student at IU (AH-MAZING) and actually started to design headers and B) Riley was only baby.


Then this one, done in the late summer of that same year.  I always liked that picture of us.

I got sort of into this blog header design thing, and pumped this one out 3 months later.

And its close cousin, two months after that.

Then it appears that I cooled on the whole idea of designing regular headers, because this one is from a full year later.
 

This one's a favorite. Year around. Always cute. Poor Riley. He doesn't get much blog love these days.
 

Can't lie. Never liked this one. Summer 2010

This one reminds me of our Christmas Card from 2010. Because I designed the two at the same time.

And here's the one you saw for WAY too long, and the first one that was graced with a Caroline head in addition to a Riley head.

Since I have taken almost zero pictures of Riley over the past year, he's going to have to deal with not being a part of this header. Sorry buddy.

Nudge

Every once in awhile it sneaks back into my consciousness.  Mostly the idea lies dormant in my mind.  I feel a prick of conscience when I hear about orphans and homeless folks and refugees.  But then things go back to normal.

It's this idea that I'm greedy.  Rich, and greedy.

I've never missed a meal, been without health insurance, or been denied education.  We have two cars, and a house for those cars (also known as a garage ).  We have a large house for people too and the ability to heat and cool it and even decorate.  And it's filled with a whole bunch of stuff.

Our income is in the top 1% in the world.

And we still struggle to live within our means.  We're still hoping for that day when things don't feel so tight.  Why?  Because we want even more money.  And let's be honest, we want more money to spend on ourselves a lot of the time.

Over and over, I've been feeling it.  From church.  In conversations with friends.  When I look at our checkbook.  That God-led nudge (call it conviction) that something in my life isn't right and needs to change.  Where is my true hope and security?  Am truly grateful for all that I have?  And am I actually willing to give of myself, my stuff (the good stuff, not just the cast-off stuff), and my ability to buy more stuff?  Not because God needs it, or because I'm trying to "be a better Christian," but because these things are heart issues.  You know, that place I've invited Jesus into.  And because stuff and prosperity and the desire to buy Caroline something cute that she doesn't need have a tendency to distract me from Him and what He's all about.

Enter 7.   It's a book called "7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess."

Here's Amazon's description:

7 is the true story of how Jen (along with her husband and her children to varying degrees) took seven months, identified seven areas of excess, and made seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence.

The seven areas she focused on?  Clothes.  Shopping.  Waste.  Food.  Possessions.  Media.  Stress.

My bloggy friend Marla is hosting a read-along on this book.  Since A) it dovetails nicely with what I think God is trying to teach me and B) MAN do I need some accountability and C) Josh and I chose this book (and reading it together) as a small way to open up some space for God during Lent, I'm participating.  Oh, and we're starting a fast of our own here soon that's eerily similar to one of Jen's.

Per the day's read-along instructions, here is some of my (rambling!) commentary about a few key quotes:

“The day I am unaware of my privileges and unmoved by my greed is the day something has to change.” (pg 3)

Yup.  That's me. I have nothing to really say about this beyond the fact that it stings.

“7 will be an exercise in simplicity with one goal: to create space for God’s kingdom to break through.” (pg 4)

I think that's what fasting is all about.  It's not brownie points with God or earning favor.  It's just clearing away some of the rubble of life to experience a little more of God.  I know the clearing away part can be/will be painful and inconvenient.  But it's in those spaces that I have the opportunity to stop and invite God into my day that much more often.  

“My children are young… It is not too late to untether them from the lie of ‘more.’” (pg 5) 

I SO want to teach Caroline that stuff isn't actually connected to true joy.  That it really is more blessed to give than to receive.  And yet how there's a season for receiving gracefully.  I want to teach her how to model her life on the life of Jesus - true love, sacrifice, service, grace.  And how will I best teach her these things?  Starting right now with me, and us.  Like, even before she has lasting memories.

So, here we go.  Rambling thoughts for the day?  Check.  A stirring in my heart?  Yes.  Next steps?  Not really sure.

The Basement Project: Ceiling & Lighting

Um, I started this series in April of last year.  Since it's almost a year later, how 'bout I finish it? 

After our we cleaned up the joint, we had to decide how to move forward with updating the ceiling.  The stained ceiling tiles just weren't quite doing it for us.  Go figure.  And the brown metal grid?  Totally 80's.
 
Don't be jealous when you check out the lighting, the tiles, the paneling + drywall, and the ceiling.  I know you wish your basement looked like this.

As a part of that decision, we needed to figure out the overhead lighting in the room.  Florescent tubes behind plastic?  Not quite our style.  Also, it was just dim (read: scary) down there all the time. Time for us to ramp up the wattage.  We've found that simply adding additional lighting in a basement ratchets back the "creepy" factor a good deal.

For the ceiling, we first had to decide between these two options:
1. Drywall / Real Ceiling
2. Make the drop ceiling look more attractive.

In the end we chose option #2.  We had both an electrician and a plumber weigh in on whether or not we should go for the "real ceiling" look, and both said they wouldn't do it.  In the ceiling of many basements lie all kinds of pipes and ducts and junk, and cutting yourself off from those things can only make for a headache down the line.  Basically, you'll have to cut holes in your ceiling (and hope you can patch them up pretty well) if / WHEN something starts leaking or otherwise goes wrong.  Us?  We can pull out the tile, fix the problem, and pop the tile back in.  If it gets damaged along the way, we can just buy a new one.

Another issue with option 1?  More expensive.  And our DIY skills didn't stretch that far.  Plus, it's just a basement.  A play room. 

So, that left us with #2.  Make the drop ceiling look more attractive.  We toyed with the idea of making rectangle holes into square holes by adding some extra metal bars (and then buying square replacement tiles).   Perhaps square tiles are a bit more up-to-date?  But we added up the dough and it would have cost us at least $500 to do that.  The extra metal bars + more expensive square tiles = NOT WORTH IT.  To us, at least. 

However, we could inexpensively update the look of the metal grid by simply painting over the ugly dark brown.  We asked the paint shop folks, who sold us the correct kind of paint (we chose a light gray), and we covered up the 1985 look for about $15.


{Side note: when painting a ceiling, be sure to wear protective glasses.  I was doing some touch ups, and got a big drop of gray paint IN MY EYE.  In a panic I screamed for Josh to call poison control, sure I'd soon be getting fitted for a glass eye.  IT HURT SO BAD.  Gratefully the kind soul on the phone talked me down off the ledge and had me rinse out my eye in the sink.  For 20 minutes.  Folks, that's a long time to stand over a sink and allow water to rush onto your eyeball.  But gratefully all was okay.}

For the ceiling tiles, we chose with the most basic, most boring white ones from Lowe's.  Although they've got some pretty fancy options, we thought that it would be best to keep the visual focus off of the ceiling. 

For the lighting, we elected to go with recessed can lights.  Our electrician was able to get the correct equipment to attach them to the metal grid, and then he sawed holes into the our new tiles to pop the lights into them.  Not bad!


Unfortunately for our pocket book, this was an expensive step.   $100 per light times 13 of them.  My electric skills stop at "install a new light fixture."  For this job we were not only changing fixtures, but adding lights and changing locations.  So, we ponied up.  And the end effect is totally worth it.  LET THERE BE LIGHT.
Yes, there just MIGHT be a coat of paint on those walls. More on that later.

If you'd like to see the true "before" pics, check here.

Advice needed: Baby hair.

We've got this toddler.

She's slowly but surely getting a baby mullet.

Sometimes it's nice and curly.


Sometimes it's nice and wavy.


Most of the time, however?  It's matted and snarly and she looks like no one loves her.


I've tried pigtails.  They totally melt my heart.

However, her hair is so thin that the rubber bands move around/fall out pretty quickly.  And barrettes are instantly lost.

So, Internet, give me your best recommendations.  Product?  A wash/comb cycle?  A (sniff, sniff) haircut?  Just let it be?

Freezer Paper Stenciling

Like the rest of the world, it seems, I've been enjoying Pinterest.  And my latest Pinterest-induced crafting interest?

Let me just tell you, this is SO EASY.  SO FUN.  SO ADDICTING.

I stumbled across this link, which first caught my interest because it was about how to DIY Disney t-shirts for your kids.  And I just happened to be in the midst of planning a trip to Disney.  Score.


In a nutshell, here's how it works.
Tools Needed:
Freezer paper - NOT wax paper (find it near aluminum foil at the grocery store)
Craft knife
Fabric paint - find it at any craft store.
T-shirt (or whatever you plan to stamp your image onto)... I've found nice options at thrift stores and Wal-Mart.

Instructions:
1. Find an image you want to use.

For me, that has meant scrolling through google images and selecting some nice, simple options.  Either that or finding a font I like and printing off a letter/word.  {Otherwise jump to #2 and just draw an image onto freezer paper.}

2. Trace the image onto freezer paper.

3. Using an inexpensive craft knife, cut out the image to create a custom stencil.

4. Iron the freezer paper image onto your t-shirt.

5. Using a cheap foam paint brush, dab fabric paint onto your stencil/t-shirt.  You'll want to let your initial coat dry and then add another layer.  I've found that 3-4 coats works well.

6. Let it dry for at least 4-5 hours, and then peel off the freezer paper.

VOILA.  Custom shirt.  And you don't even need to sew.

I made this one - Pluto was my favorite Disney character as a child.


My mom made this one:

I've also made several birthday/baby gifts.  Like I said, I'm hooked.

I've stumbled across a few more examples of this technique... fun, aren't they?

• Goldfish pants
• President's Day T-Shirts
• Valentine's Day "Heartbreaker" Tees
• Harry Potter shirt
• Reusable Shopping Bag