The time I didn't kiss back

So about a week after I imposed the "no kissing" rule, I regretted it.

But we figured that we should stick to our boundaries anyway.

And it was ridiculous.

Josh would give me a big goodnight hug after walking me home. We'd stand there, looking at each other all sappy sweet and staaart to lean in. Think slow-mo. I'd tilt my head up, and him down, edging closer and closer. Just like in the movies. Except that juuuuust at the last moment, we'd turn our faces away and simply enjoy another hug.

Almost-almost-almost kissing, then not. Lean-lean-lean, and turn. For a solid three weeks. It was truly ridiculous.

We still laugh about it. Every once in awhile I'll still turn away at the last moment before a smooch, just to tease him about it.

But in those first few weeks, each time we got OH SO CLOSE I'd think, "maybe this time he'll do it." I just kept waiting for it. I, the complete novice, certainly wasn't going to make the first move.

So with each hug-and-lean-in routine, it went through my mind. This time? This time? THIS TIME? C'mon kid, break the 1 month rule already! I was over it already, and ready to pucker up.

Then one night Josh decided we'd held off for long enough. It was almost a month - close enough, right? We thought so.

But after so many times of being ready for it-ready for it-ready for it, I actually let my guard down. After snuggling up and watching Father of the Bride one night, we stood up for a goodnight hug before I went back home. But as I stood there thinking about the movie, Josh had other plans. My mind was all on George and Frank while Josh was starting the lean. But this time there was no turn. All of a sudden, he was right there. I was getting kissed.

I was caught completely off my guard - and totally forgot to kiss back. I was so shocked that I just stood there. Not moving a muscle.

Josh tells me it was a very strange feeling. You know, going in for it and getting zero response.

Thankfully kiss #2 was a significant improvement.




But to this day, just to tease me, Josh will sometimes not kiss back. And it is a strange feeling.

The time Josh punched me

Yes, it is time for another selection from Our Story. I'm not nearly disciplined enough to post them regularly, so you'll just have to settle for reading them at random intervals.

That first year of dating, we spent lots of time in Josh's rental house, snuggled up on the couch watching TV. Friends, usually. It was the last season and a big group of us would get together every Thursday night to watch. We did go on an Ed kick and threw in the occasional dose of 7th Heaven every once in awhile. Oh, and we watched lots and lots of sports.

Ah, the memories in that junky old rental house. Sitting on crappy, falling apart furniture in an ugly room. Using the downstairs bathroom, where you were never sure if you'd be able to get out. The knob turned, but only sometimes. In the winter, the temperature inside the living room hovered right around 57 degrees. Us non-residents brought our own blankets.

One evening I was sprawled out on Josh's couch, with my head on his lap, watching TV. I thought it would be fun to see just how ticklish he was, so I grabbed his side and gave it a couple pokes.

That is when he punched me. Clocked me right on the lip/chin. Smack.

I looked up at him in horror, only to see his own horrified face.

He didn't mean to punch me so hard. It was just a quick reflex. He was just trying to quickly pry my hands away from his side - and my face got in the way. Being the good, and repentant boyfriend that he was, he quickly ran to the freezer to get me a Popsicle.

It was sweet of him to try and repair the damage, but I still like to tease him about it.

The next installment? The time I didn't kiss back

Happy Birthday Josh

All my love on your 27th.

Jess












Any new readers out there, curious about what happened before our first date? (And really, that first date was a long time in comin'!) Head here.

The time I told Josh he couldn't kiss me

Back by popular demand - more selections from the Josh & Jessica story.

Well, the drama was finally over. Josh liked me and I liked Josh - at the same time. Whew! After our fateful discussion on the nursing school steps, the next step was an official first date.

Actually, the first step was to tell Carrie. Josh wanted to be the one to tell her - he felt it was the right thing to do. However, I couldn't keep my big mouth shut - I was too excited and ended up blabbing it everyone in sight. Not my proudest moment. So of course Carrie found out the very next day - and through the grapevine. She wasn't pleased - especially with Josh. But it all worked out in a few days - she was very gracious.

Then came our first date. Josh was going to pick me up at 6 on a Saturday evening, but at 5 I had a "house meeting" planned with my seven other roommates. They were nice enough to let me duck out of the "who is cleaning the bathroom on which day" conversation early so I could all dolled up for the big event. I came back downstairs right before 6, and was immediately sent right back up to my room.

You can't get the door for your own date! They told me. And back upstairs I went. What they really wanted to do was interrogate Josh when he came to pick up me. And so they did.

710 Catherine Girls (Carrie included): Come in. Sit Down.
Josh: Uh... okay...
710 Catherine Girls: What time will you have her home?
Josh: Uh...
710 Catherine Girls: How's your car running?
Josh: Uh... okay...

And so on. Mostly in good fun - Josh was good friends with most of those girls and they really enjoyed giving him a hard time.

Finally, after they'd harassed him enough, they called me back downstairs. Wiiitttteeeee, he's here!

Before we left, one of my roommates, Julie, took this picture of us:



For almost 3 years, I didn't know it existed. I'd forgotten all about it. But Julie actually saved it for all that time and gave it to us, framed, for our first anniversary. How sweet is that? Jules, if you're reading this, thanks again!

Josh took me to TGI Friday's (we were told it was THE first date place to go) and then rented Top Gun. I remember being so nervous I couldn't eat. It was a little weird to think about - I mean, we'd shared meals so often! And then I told him something I'd been thinking about for the few days leading up to that point:

I don't want you to kiss me for a month.

I think I was feeling totally overwhelmed with life at that moment. Another school year was starting. I was living in a house for the first time, starting up another Bible Study in the dorms at Michigan, starting a new job at the cafeteria, and then had added a new boyfriend to the mix. Not just a new boyfriend - my first boyfriend. And my best friend. I'd been on a few dates, but nothing serious up to that point. And I'd never before been kissed - the very idea freaked me out. What if I wasn't any good at it?

At that time I felt that one more new thing would push me off the deep end.

I think Josh was surprised, but he was sweet and very understanding.

We almost made it a month.

Part Four: Romance - Finally!

The rest of that summer was just weird.

Josh and I talked on the phone. A lot.

I moved back to Grand Rapids before school started, and he came to visit me at my parents' house. We talked all night long. I drove to Ann Arbor to see him -- I mean, to see a bunch of friends.

Had it been any other guy I would have been sure there were feelings there. But Josh? He'd made it pretty clear where he stood just six months before. I had no idea what was going to happen when I moved back to Ann Arbor (into a house just 3 doors down from Josh, no less) for my junior year. And what about Carrie? She and I would be roommates in the 710 Catherine house.

I remember taking a trip to Meijer with Chris (a good friend of mine and a roommate of Josh's) the day I moved in. I started talking about the summer's saga and asked him for his male perspective on it all. His response:

Josh is an idiot if he doesn't date you.

The very next day would be life-changing. It started out ordinarily enough - unpacking, cleaning, reading, and watching a movie with friends. After the movie was over Josh and I decided to go for a walk around campus. And walk we did. All the way down to the football stadium (which from our side of town was almost 2 miles) and back. We sat down on the steps of the Nursing School and kept talking. Eventually the subject turned to us.

Josh was completely silent for about ten minutes. No joke. Come on buddy, spit it out! Then he told me that he had feelings for me, and asked me if I still felt the same way. I did. Of course.

He hadn't exactly planned on telling me that night. He had wanted to wait, talk to Carrie, and let our friends see that we were headed down that path. But he knew I needed to know what was going on (remember? I'm not a patient person) and told me. Yes, it was a complete 180 for him!

Carrie wasn't pleased, at first. That was partially due to the fact that she heard about us through the grapevine. That was my fault - I was so totally excited that I told everyone in sight and the news spread like wildfire. She got over it pretty quick, thankfully, and we remained good friends. She stood up in our wedding. So did Boeve.

We dated for about a year-and-a-half before Josh proposed. We were married 6 months later, and now we've been married for over 3 years. Amazing how things turn out, isn't it?

Me and Josh on our first date! He took me to TGI Fridays and we rented Top Gun. That night I told him he wasn't allowed to kiss me for a month!



After he told me he liked me for the first time - 5 years ago - he walked me back to my house. He told me later that this was going through this mind:

I just told the girl I that I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry that I like her. Whoa.

Crazy enough, marrying me was in the back of Josh's mind from the start. He knew we were great together, and that if we ever started dating we would end up married. At first, the feelings just weren't there for him. But it all changed that fateful summer! Josh describes it as a cloud lifting - like God was saying okay, here you go! She is perfect for you!

I don't really know why it all had to happen that way, but I see God's fingerprints throughout it. Perhaps had we started dating right away our friendship wouldn't have had the chance to develop like it did. Maybe God wanted Josh to try things out with Carrie first, so he wouldn't wonder later if anything could have happened with her. I don't think I'd have had the same experiences with building friendships and doing ministry had I been dating Josh from the start. Who knows? But I am so very thankful that everything worked out like it did. It has been a blissful five years together.

Praise the Lord.

Part Three: Best Friends

We really were. The parties, movie nights, birthday dinners, and Thursday nights in front of Friends continued on as usual.

Many of you commented on my maturity at handling the whole Josh likes Carrie situation. Believe me, any maturity on my end was completely God-given. My previous track record with relationships, although extremely short, was void of much maturity or class. It is almost like God didn’t want me to mess things up permanently with Josh. Oh wait, I believe that to be true! And the night after my date, I’d never felt so supported and comforted, both my Him and some friends He’d placed in my life.

A few months later, Josh plucked up the courage to ask Carrie out. She accepted. I was more or less comfortable with it, but thankful I would be spending the summer on a mission project with Campus Crusade in Virginia Beach. Not a bad time to move 12 hours away. But I kept in good touch with both of them all summer, and soon learned that things between them weren’t going so well. I never got the impression that they didn’t get along, but more that they never really clicked. I remember when they told me separately that they wanted to end things. They lasted all of a month, but ended things amicably.

A few weeks later Josh made plans to visit me in Virginia Beach. I didn’t think it meant anything, but was extremely excited to see my friend. We mostly spent time in larger groups that weekend, but did get the chance to borrow a car and randomly visit Colonial Williamsburg. And then we did take a couple of long walks along the boardwalk in the evenings.

The jpeg files of that trip were the unfortunate casualty of a busted hard drive (stupid Dell computers) but here is a scan of a scrapbook page I made later:

Top picture: On a bench at the VA Beach boardwalk.
Bottom picture: Doing the cheesy tourist thing in Williamsburg.

But it wasn't anything romantic, I told myself. It was only a friend thing. Only a friend thing. We were just best friends. That was it.

But the hug he gave me at the airport was a little different. I think he caught my hand on the release. I wasn’t sure. And then I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Cried all the way home. Cried at work all morning. Tried to put it out of my mind, but it was impossible.

I knew liked him. Again.

But what kind of idiot falls for a guy that has already told her he doesn’t have any romantic feelings toward her?

Part Two: Just The Three Of Us

Yup, turn up the soap opera music.

I liked Josh. Carrie liked Josh. Carrie and I were close friends and lived in next door dorms. We'd even signed up to be roommates the following year. The three of us were virtually inseperable. All the fixins for some good drama.

And the big question at that time was of course, who is Josh going to pick?

And then Josh asked me to dinner. Me! I was on cloud nine.

Soon into our "date," however, I realized that something wasn't right. We didn't make it our of the parking space when Josh uttered these words: We need to talk. He then proceeded to tell me that although he truly valued my friendship, had no romantic feelings for me. More than that, he told me he did have feelings for (who else?) Carrie, and wanted to ask her out.

Not exactly the first date I'd had in mind. In retrospect, Josh realizes that asking me to dinner wasn't the best plan for such a conversation.

You see, he wasn't completely clueless and knew I harbored a crush for him. I know that telling me he didn't feel the same way was really hard for him. We were extremely close and he didn't want to hurt me or our friendship. But he cared about me as a friend too much not to tell me, and I appreciated it. I later found that he'd agonized over what to do for months.

And you know what? I was initially devastated, but felt a God-given peace about it all pretty quickly. I was mostly worried about losing my friend to "weirdness" between us. I remember talking to some friends about it all the next day and they were like, wow! you're in much better shape than he is! I realized I'd need to be the one to extend the olive branch and assure him that I was really okay with it all. And so I did.

Josh calls that day, "The Day We Became Best Friends."

Weird? Totally.

But when you think about it, if a friendship can withstand kind of drama you know it is for keeps.

And thankfully I left for spring break in Turkey two days later, and got a breather from it all. Things hadn't worked out they way I'd planned, and I was determined to move on.


Dont worry, there's more to this story! :)

Part One: The First Time We Met

It wasn't love at first sight.

I was an 18-year-old freshman at the University of Michigan. That year I went on a spring break trip with Campus Crusade to Daytona Beach, FL and returned back to campus on a Sunday afternoon. As the bus was pulling into Ann Arbor, I started asking around to find out if anyone had dinner plans. The dorms weren't open yet so we'd be on our own. A few of us who lived close to each other decided to do the classic college thing and order a couple pizzas when we got back to school.

There was this guy, Matt Boeve, that I'd met on the trip who I really didn't care for. As I remember, he was pretty arrogant when I played cards with him on the bus ride down to Florida. But I knew he lived in a nearby dorm and thought I'd be nice and invite him to join us.

Little did I know Boeve lived down the hall from a very cute guy who he'd end up inviting along to eat pizza with us.

Josh had just returned from a spring break trip, too - skiing with his parents. He has never been one to pass up pizza, and readily agreed to head down to South Quad (my dorm) with Boeve to meet me, and some others for some Cottage Inn.

I remember thinking that Boeve's friend Josh was both funny and attractive. I was a teeny bit intrigued by him, but it wasn't anything major. Just the huh... the new guy is cute feeling - the kind I'd felt a number of times when meeting attractive single guys. Josh remembers that I had short hair and wore a striped sweater. Nothing earth-shattering.

It would be awhile before we started dating. Like a year-and-a-half. It seemed like a looooong time, to 18-year-old me. I'm not a patient person, and my crush developed pretty quickly.

Soon after spring break, we started hanging out in groups of friends. I'd often eat dinner with that same Cottage Inn Pizza group. Josh's dorm was notorious for terrible food, so he and Boeve headed to South Quad many evenings for something decent. We were both involved in "Cru" on campus, and our two groups of friends started to mesh. Boeve started to grow on me, and we became friends pretty quickly too.

I admit, I'd sometimes ditch my girlfriends (sorry DeeDee, Jess, Jamie, & Becky) for video games (the shoot 'em up type) with Josh and the "East Quad boys." Not my proudest moments. But I liked being with him. He was funny, articulate, and generous, and we always had great conversations. We hit it off as friends right away.

But he wasn't interested in me in that way. Sigh.

Patrick, Me, Carrie, Boeve, Josh - headed to the Counting Crows concert.

Summer passed, where we saw each other a few times (always in groups) and IM'ed a bit in the evenings. Sophomore year started, and we found ourselves living on the same side of campus again. Our group of friends grew closer, and we enjoyed frequent barn dances, parties, and movie nights all year. We even had a puzzle streak going there for awhile. He and our other friend, Carrie, made me a birthday cake that fall. Ten of us or so went on a ski trip in Northern Michigan that winter. All the while, my feelings were growing.

His were not.

Out for lunch for my birthday: Matt Roe, Carrie, Me Boeve, Josh

Ski Trip to Boyne Mountain: Erin, Me, DeeDee

Random cookie baking at Josh's house


Things continued on this way for awhile, with frequent card games, group dinners, and football games. But then things started to get really interesting when Carrie confessed to me that she, too, had feelings for Josh.

To be continued...