So about a week after I imposed the "no kissing" rule, I regretted it.
But we figured that we should stick to our boundaries anyway.
And it was ridiculous.
Josh would give me a big goodnight hug after walking me home. We'd stand there, looking at each other all sappy sweet and staaart to lean in. Think slow-mo. I'd tilt my head up, and him down, edging closer and closer. Just like in the movies. Except that juuuuust at the last moment, we'd turn our faces away and simply enjoy another hug.
Almost-almost-almost kissing, then not. Lean-lean-lean, and turn. For a solid three weeks. It was truly ridiculous.
We still laugh about it. Every once in awhile I'll still turn away at the last moment before a smooch, just to tease him about it.
But in those first few weeks, each time we got OH SO CLOSE I'd think, "maybe this time he'll do it." I just kept waiting for it. I, the complete novice, certainly wasn't going to make the first move.
So with each hug-and-lean-in routine, it went through my mind. This time? This time? THIS TIME? C'mon kid, break the 1 month rule already! I was over it already, and ready to pucker up.
Then one night Josh decided we'd held off for long enough. It was almost a month - close enough, right? We thought so.
But after so many times of being ready for it-ready for it-ready for it, I actually let my guard down. After snuggling up and watching Father of the Bride one night, we stood up for a goodnight hug before I went back home. But as I stood there thinking about the movie, Josh had other plans. My mind was all on George and Frank while Josh was starting the lean. But this time there was no turn. All of a sudden, he was right there. I was getting kissed.
I was caught completely off my guard - and totally forgot to kiss back. I was so shocked that I just stood there. Not moving a muscle.
Josh tells me it was a very strange feeling. You know, going in for it and getting zero response.
Thankfully kiss #2 was a significant improvement.
But to this day, just to tease me, Josh will sometimes not kiss back. And it is a strange feeling.