I still don't have things figured out.
This side of heaven, I don't think I will.
But God has been so sweet to me lately.
It started with the outpouring of support, love, and encouragement when I shared how I was really feeling with you all. Thank you, bloggy world, for folding me up into your embrace. And walking with me in some way. I know you're being used by God in my life, and I'm so thankful for the little community I have through this here blog.
More than that, I've just felt the tug to draw near to God again. Just a little bit. I almost don't want to talk about it so I don't scare it away. Honestly, I know my own tendencies to make progress, and then get lax and fall back into the same old habits. But the God-given desire to spend a little time with my Creator has returned in some small way, and I'm thankful for that.
Back in college we used to sing a song in Campus Crusade meetings, and the lyrics come to my mind often these days.
Still, small, quietly spoken voice
that consistently calls my name
and quickens my heart to come
For me, it feels like God is using this time to remind.
Remind me of who He is.
Remind me of His power.
Remind me of his protection.
Remind me of his deep, sacrificing love for me.
I dug out an old devotional I'd once loved.
I shelved my new, shiny Bible and took out my old, underlined, pages-falling-out copy.
And the truths I've known for a long time are becoming dear to me again.
I've still got issues. Lots of them.
But God has been so tender toward me. So patient and faithful. And in my awkward, unsteady way, I know I'm taking baby steps again, by his grace.
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust"
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge.
Psalm 91:1-2, 4a