Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Tender

I still don't have things figured out.

This side of heaven, I don't think I will.

But God has been so sweet to me lately.

It started with the outpouring of support, love, and encouragement when I shared how I was really feeling with you all. Thank you, bloggy world, for folding me up into your embrace. And walking with me in some way. I know you're being used by God in my life, and I'm so thankful for the little community I have through this here blog.

More than that, I've just felt the tug to draw near to God again. Just a little bit. I almost don't want to talk about it so I don't scare it away. Honestly, I know my own tendencies to make progress, and then get lax and fall back into the same old habits. But the God-given desire to spend a little time with my Creator has returned in some small way, and I'm thankful for that.

Back in college we used to sing a song in Campus Crusade meetings, and the lyrics come to my mind often these days.

Still, small, quietly spoken voice
that consistently calls my name
and quickens my heart to come

For me, it feels like God is using this time to remind.

Remind me of who He is.
Remind me of His power.
Remind me of his protection.
Remind me of his deep, sacrificing love for me.

I dug out an old devotional I'd once loved.
I shelved my new, shiny Bible and took out my old, underlined, pages-falling-out copy.

And the truths I've known for a long time are becoming dear to me again.

I've still got issues. Lots of them.

But God has been so tender toward me. So patient and faithful. And in my awkward, unsteady way, I know I'm taking baby steps again, by his grace.




He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust"

He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge.

Psalm 91:1-2, 4a

6 comments:

Alex said...

I'm in awe of your ability to express the exquisite agony of life, Jessica. This is beautiful. Bless you.

Short Stop said...

What an absolutely beautiful post, Jessica.

Tender. I can look back on times in my life when God was gently calling me to Himself - working, molding, leading - and I can't think of a better word than "tender" to describe His gentle love.

Exquisitely written and just beautiful.

Rebecca said...

Thanks Jess. You give me a lot of hope that I'll feel that small tug from God soon.

Jenni S. said...

Thank you for honestly sharing, not only your struggles, but the ways in which He's calling you back to Him. It's beautiful and encouraging to read.

On a side note, He and I have made some HUGE strides lately and I'm really excited to see what He's doing. I can tell you more over email or something, but I love watching Him work -- it reminds me that He IS there.

Jenner said...

glad you are feeling the love. great job on the decorating and so exciting about your new camera!

Lynn said...

You could have been talking about me when you wrote this post.

" I almost don't want to talk about it so I don't scare it away." I love this line.

Praise God that He always pursues me. I just wish I could learn to hear Him whisper so I wouldn't need to hit a brick wall before I pay attention.